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“Read ‘em and weep” ranks right up there with the best of ‘em. It is
what may have been said to you in your home game as your four kings
just lost to four aces (also known as a “bad beat).” Read ‘em and Weep
is also the title of a great book of great poker stories with many
great poker quotes, edited by John Stravinsky (2004). My favorite
quote of all time is by the British biographer of the Royals, Anthony
Holden. "Poker may be only a game, but it is not a matter of life and
death. It's a lot more serious than that." This appears in his account
of his year as a poker pro, Big Deal (1990). A close second comes
from another Brit, Al Alvarez: "Poker is generally reckoned to be
America’s second most popular after dark activity. Sex is good, they
say, but poker lasts longer." Poker legend Jack Straus was down
to his last $500 chip in the 1982 World Series of Poker. In fact he
overlooked it. It was up against the rail and he thought he had gone
broke. He bet the $500, won, bet it again, won, and ultimately went on
to win that year’s World Series of Poker. The quote from Jack: “All you
need to win is a chip and a chair.” This one goes way back. True then, true now: "Cards are war, in disguise of a sport." Charles Lamb in "Essays of Elia" (1832) "If,
after the first twenty minutes, you don't know who the sucker at the
table is, it's you." Many have claimed this quote but it goes back so
far the author is unknown. "Is it a reasonable thing, I ask you,
for a grown man to run about and hit a ball? Poker's the only game fit
for a grown man. Then, your hand is against every man's, and every
man's is against yours. Teamwork? Who ever made a fortune by teamwork?
There's only one way to make a fortune, and that's to down the fellow
who's up against you." Author Somerset Maughan in a Cosmopolitan piece. From
Richard Lederer, Co-host of NPR’s “A Way with Words,” and father of
poker pros Howard Lederer and Annie Duke: “"The cleverest application
of poker terminology that I have ever encountered appears on the truck
of a New Hampshire plumbing company: 'A Flush Is Better Than a Full
House.' In poker that isn't true, but a homeowner would recognize its
wisdom." Mark Twain chimes in with this one: "There are few
things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The
upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find
ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the
ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good
men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the
meaning of a "flush". It is enough to make one ashamed of the species." From
the movies. A quote from Matt Damon in “Rounders”: "I've lost money so
fast in these clubs it's left me reeling. I've read every poker book
ever written, but the only way to get better at the game is to go out
and play with people who are really good. The problem is, you stand to
lose a lot of money doing it." Actor Walter Matthau: "Poker exemplifies the worst aspects of capitalism that have made our country so great." You’ll
recognize these words from Kenny’s Rogers' great hit, “The Gambler”:
“"He said, 'Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces, and
knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.'" From
three-time World Series of Poker champ Stuey Ungar who blew $30 million
dollars and died broke and alone in a sleazy porn hotel between the
Vegas Strip and Downtown: “See, in my world - the world of high-stakes
gin and poker - we play for cold, hard cash. It's all business, pure
and simple. Anyone who thinks card playing is a 'game' - I'll show you
a loser. Money. M-O-N-E-Y. That's how you measure success. One dollar
at a time. One chip at a time. That's how you keep score." And
finally, the words that poker players love to hear, the equivalent of
baseball’s “Play Ball” or the Olympics’ “Let the games begin”: “Shuffle
up and deal.” (c) 2006 Murphy James
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